the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
