On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
