I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
