who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
