Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
