I heard we made out
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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