I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
