She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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