well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize