Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
