im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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