i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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