What did we do last night that was yellow?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drake has all the answers
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
