Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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