I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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