your parents love me but you hate me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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