Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fuck appropriateness.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
