this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
