please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
