i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
