So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
