Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
