Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
