the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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