is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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