dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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