...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
