I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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