so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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