great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
