I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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