hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
