y did u give ur computer a hand job?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
