Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this boner is exhausting
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
