you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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