highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my liver is dry heaving
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
