We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
