If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
