Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
