my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
