We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Randomize
