I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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