Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You ruined the universe
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
