Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize