Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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