you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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