i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
