I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize