Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Green mimosas i think yes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
