Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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