jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
