His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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