Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
