I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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