girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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