The maid of honor just puked.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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