I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
