you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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