Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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