i don't like sucking hair
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
