There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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