I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
