I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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