he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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