dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
