can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
