I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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