this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
